My Wound

With Palm Sunday behind us, and Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday coming, I have a personal testimony to share. Because of what my Lord did at Calvary, I can share this. Because He bore the wound of all wounds, took my sins and forgave me, I must too, forgive so that he can heal…

My Wound

            When I was young, about 11 or 12, I received a wound. It was deep. It hurt. It festered. For a long while it even was red with anger. It took years to heal.

            You see, when I received the wound, the knife was not directed at me, but another, but I was caught in the cross fire. I was confused. I didn’t understand why I should be hurt in such a way. What had I done to them to deserve this?

            So it festered for a very long time.

            Yes, I’m not speaking of a physical wound, but a wound in my spirit.

            And because I was confused about the `why’, it took me quite a while before I accepted the salve of forgiveness from the Lord.

            For a while it was angry red, and that anger vented out in different ways. God got a hold on me in that area early on, (Praise the Lord) but it took going through some dark days with my mother being sick to make me see what I was becoming. I was angry that there seemed to be no one to turn to for help during that time. The weight of the world rested on my shoulders, and in an angry moment with my little brother, (he wouldn’t do the dishes, can you believe it!!) it hit me hard how ugly I was becoming. Anger was reeling it’s ugly head, and I turned to the Lord in a silent moment, crying out for help and deliverance from the anger.

            God is a gentleman and waits patiently for us. He was waiting for me to ask for help. From that moment on the angry red of the wound began to heal, but it was still raw.

            Ever heard the saying `time heals all wounds?’ Well it sort of works, until the wound is prodded again, and the vicious cycle happens all over again.  And then you hang on to it, hurt and in self pity.

            I used my shyness to try and protect myself. In other words, I became more shy. It didn’t help matters, just created more problems. I learned from my wound, that you can’t trust people, they hurt you. To be more precise, I learned you can’t trust fellow Christians, if they have a different view than you, in anything, they will hurt you.

            What a sad world for a young person to grow up in! And I say that not out of self pity, but realizing how we as Christians do not walk the walk we preach. We lash out at others when we decide we are right and they are wrong, and we don’t realize who we are stepping on. Often it’s the children! They get caught in the cross fire and then grow up confused and hurt. From what I’ve seen, most leave the church. Thank you Lord for preserving me from that! But yes, sometimes it is our fault the next generation don’t follow Christ. We were too busy being right about something, that we hurt others. And their children, seeing the parents hurting, are wounded severely.

            I will be clear right now on something. Yes this happened to me, but I do not share this out of malice or hurtful intent. I share because it is my story and God has done a wonderful work of forgiveness in me, and I am called to share it, so that, perhaps, someone else may find healing.

            So to continue… to this day I still do not understand the reasons for the wound. I am still confused about it all. But the Lord began to speak to me about forgiveness. How He did this was through a story about my grandmother. As a young woman and mother of 3 small children, my father being one of them, my grandmother was shot in the shoulder and nearly died. But the Lord spared her life and what she did afterwards spoke volumes to her granddaughter. I don’t know if she even knew what an impact it would have on me.

           

She forgave! Not only that, but shared the Gospel message of Jesus’ forgiveness with the one who had wronged her! What a testimony! She passed on Jesus love and forgiveness!

            So years later, her hurt and confused granddaughter, asked her father about what happened to grandma, and the father told his daughter the story, and from that moment on, there was no choice but to forgive.

            To say I did and it was done and over with, would be a lie. It was a struggle! Forgiveness is never easy, probably because we are human and we like to point out others faults! It was a daily choice! It is a daily choice.

            But as much as I said I forgave, I still let my wound have a hold on me. I hung on to it in self pity for a very long time. “Yes God, I forgive them, but I have to hang on to it, because it hurts!”

            Hmmm… perhaps it would have been far better if I’d let go of it and let the Lord heal it!!

            But no. Not this stubborn child.

            So fear of people held me back.

            Yes, I let fear of people have a hold on me. To put it in other words, Satan had a hold on me through fear. As long as he could convince me to keep hanging onto my wound, it held me back and as long as it held me back, I was less effective for my Lord, because fear of people kept me quiet!

            When the Lord took me to Bible camp, I had a choice to make. I could face my fears and deal with them, or I could walk away defeated. That year I was in The Lord’s Boot camp, so to speak. It was the hardest yet the best year of spiritual growth I have ever had. I was faced head on with my problem and realized that Satan wanted me to keep quiet! He didn’t want me sharing my story of what God was doing in my life.

            The first time I shared my testimony, my hands and my voice shook with emotion. Actually I think every time I have shared I have been very emotional. It was not to make people pity me; it was because of the battle that was raging. Fear is not fun. Fear grips and does not want to let go, but when we step out in faith and claim God’s power in our life to have victory over fear, it has to leave. And that is why when I share, my emotions can be very raw. God is healing my wound! I am not to hang on to it any more!

            When we are wounded by others, the wound can heal with God’s help. We may bear its scar for the rest of our lives, but we don’t have to let it or those who hurt us have control over us. We don’t have to help Satan use what others did, to hold us back from doing what God wants us to do.

Forgive and let Him heal.

Whatever your wound, whatever your scar, there is something better for you. Forgiveness.

And if you can not find the strength to do it, then it’s time to completely surrender to God. Don’t hang on to the wound so that the salve of forgiveness can’t heal.  He can forgive through you.

            Psalm 147:3 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

            Matthew 6:14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

            As for fear, well, let me tell you something. If you live with fear controlling you, that spirit of fear is from the enemy. 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

            God gives a spirit of power, and love and he gives us a sound mind…. But we have to let go of the fear first. We can’t let it control us anymore! I had to learn (the hard way) that God has given me the power in Jesus Christ’s name, to command fear to depart! The enemy takes advantage of us at every turn, and he used my wound against me, to hold me in fear, but in the same power that God raised up Jesus from the dead, God gave me power over my fear!

My wound taught me to not trust anyone.

My Lord taught me, I can trust Him and He does have people who obey Him in being kind.

My wound taught me to be fearful.

My Lord taught me, He conquered fear.

My wound taught me to hate others.

My Lord taught me to forgive.

My wound taught me to hide.

My Lord taught me to reach out to others.

My Wound taught me when people can’t agree, they are enemies.

My Lord taught me, people can still respect each other even if they don’t agree.

            Now I give a plea to my fellow Christians, brothers and sisters in the Lord and my extended family.

            I plead with you,

Do not live in fear,

            Do not live in anger,

            Do not live in unforgiveness,

            Do not live in pride

            Do not live in envy

            Do not live in strife

            All these are not godly characteristics. They all give Satan a foothold in our lives. In Christ, we have freedom, we have won the victory, we are on the victor’s side. Christ won over Satan at the cross, and yet when we live in these, fear, anger, unforgiving, pride, envy and strife, we give Satan a hold. And he will do everything to tear us down and defeat us. See our enemy is not the other person. It’s not that family member that drives us crazy, or that person who spoke unkindly behind our back, the people who spread untrue rumours about our family, the person who refuses to have anything to do with us… etc… they are not our enemies. They are hurting people too. People with wounds that have not let Christ’s forgiveness heal.

            Please, I beg with you, live life with compassion, forgiveness, and as Galatians 5:22-23 says “… love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections (passions that are not godly) and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.” Live in Victory!

            When we hurt others, we are not only hurting them, but their spouse, and their children, and… ourselves. This is not how Christ would have us live.

           

            Live with love instead of hate

            Live with compassion instead of no understanding

            Live with forgiveness instead of unforgiveness

            Live in peace of mind instead of fear

            Live in longsuffering and temperance instead of quick tempers

            Live in meekness (not weakness) instead of pride

            Live in gentleness, like our Saviour Jesus Christ

Crucify the flesh daily and live in the Spirit, following our Shepherd’s example.

Please, do not hurt your fellow Christians anymore.

                       

 S.L. Kliever